I’ve been trying to get this post written for a few weeks now. I have also tried to prepare a meal that was comprised of something other than chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese for quite some time. I’ve learned that life with kids means nothing ever happens when I think it should. I guess the good thing about not getting this written when the event happened is that I have had lots of time to really, really think about why it touched my heart so strongly.
My girls have gym class and dance class on the same day at the same location. We woke up one gym/dance class morning to discover the Little One seemed to be coming down with a cold. That meant that both girls would need to stay home from their classes. The Big One was most upset! I promised her I would get her into a makeup dance class later that week, as long as her sister was feeling better. After treating the Little One with my homemade essential oil blend and some much-needed R&R, she was feeling 100% the next day. So, the Big One got to attend a dance class. The age range is the same but the class size is much bigger than her regular one. The Big One is an introvert, through and through. She gets overwhelmed in large crowds and is easily over-stimulated. She had attended this larger class all summer and on numerous occasions had meltdowns. She would tell me it was because of all the noise from the tap shoes and the non-stop movement in a room full of 3 - 5 year old girls. I get it! It overwhelmed me, too. I was anxious about sending her back to this larger class but she desperately wanted to go and seemed to be looking forward to it.
We arrived early and she started settling in to her normal pre-dance class routine. I recognized most of the girls and their parents from the summer. A cute little girl entered with her dad and both of her grandmothers. I had never seen her before. The Big One didn’t pay much attention to her fellow dancer but she kept looking at one of the grandmothers. I had the Little One in my lap and I kept watch on the Big One as she navigated her current social situation. Even while saying hi to her friends and hugging her teacher, her attention kept going back to this one grandmother. With only a couple of minutes left before class, both grandmothers and the father took their seats. To my amazement, the Big One walked straight up to this unknown woman, said hi, introduced herself, and then gave her a giant hug. I froze. What the heck is happening? This is my shy, introverted child. My daughter and the grandmother both smiled the biggest, happiest smiles. I didn’t know what to do. Do I apologize for my child’s invasion of her space? Do I tell the woman that my child is a super-sensitive, highly empathetic child who, evidently, thinks she needed a hug? Do I pretend I saw nothing? I just sat there, with a squirming, wiggling 1-year old on my lap, smiled and shrugged my shoulders as a way of saying “I have no idea what’s going on.”
Class began and the Big One was happy as could be. After the first half of class, the girls leave the dance studio, remove their shoes, and then head to the gym area. I was waiting for my daughter to come straight to me, as she always does, but instead she made a beeline for the grandmother. She leaned in and again, gave her a giant hug. Again, both of them smiled the biggest smiles and both gave shy, quiet giggles to each other, but no words were exchanged. And again, I had no idea what to say or do. The Big One then came to me for help removing her shoes so I asked her “Why do you keep hugging that woman?” Her reply was so simple. “She NEEDED a hug, Momma.” So, I followed up with “How did you know that?” She replied so simply again, “I could see it.” I wrapped her in a giant bear hug, kissed her sweaty forehead, told her what an amazing little spirit and giant heart she has, and sent her into the gym. As I continued to wrangle my 1 year-old the grandmother approached me and said “I really needed that.”
This whole incident has been on my mind for weeks. I have a few select friends and family members that my intuition seems to be directly connected to….sometimes, not always. I text them when they cross my mind or my heart says to check on them. In person, I can take one look at their faces and know the best thing I can give them is a hug or to lend them an ear. I know when to crack jokes or to offer a tasty adult beverage. My circle is quite small. And I like it that way. (The Big One got a double dose of introvert from me and her dad.)
Taking that into consideration, my thoughts keep wandering to the following: What if we could all SEE what others needed? What if we could see through the masks that everyone wears? What if we could see past the rude behaviors and grumpy faces? What if we could see the truth behind the fake smiles and the picture-perfect family photos on social media? What if we could open our souls a little bit more and let our intuition guide us when it comes to our interactions with others? What if we actually tried to spread kindness to total strangers? What if we put aside social norms and didn’t worry what others’ opinions were? What if we lived, as adults, like our children do? How different would our world be? What a powerful force we would be if we would allow ourselves to connect, to unite, to bond, to share, to love as our children do. Would the evil in this world stand a chance if the good in the world united?I’m not saying I’m going to go hug a perfect stranger any time soon. But perhaps the next time someone is rude, seems a bit sad, or even appears to be overly friendly, I’ll compliment her shoes or tell him I like his glasses or thank him for giving such excellent customer service. Perhaps a genuine thank you or a kind interaction is all someone needs to be a bit happier today. Perhaps if we stop NOT seeing each other and really start to acknowledge those around us, we’ll be taking one step closer to creating the world our children deserve.